U is for "Unconditional Love"

I never would have imagined that it was possible to love something so much. I've loved a lot in my life - people, places, things - but there is no doubt in my sleep-deprived mind that I have found the love of my life. Once upon a time, I thought that I would never love something as much as I loved R...once glance into the slate blue eyes of my adorable offspring and I was forced to reconsider (Sorry, babe!).

I must admit, it's terrifying. Terrifying to know that you love something so much. Possibly more than life itself. No, not possibly. Absolutely. It's hard to believe sometimes that I created the being that snuggles in my arms for 12-18 hours a day. It's equally hard to believe that you could have ever lived without it. And the worst thing imaginable becomes the thought of what you would ever do if you were to lose it.

Unthinkable.

People told me when I was pregnant how much I would love my child. How all of the discomforts of pregnancy and childbirth would disappear the minute I looked into the eyes of my baby boy. How I would become consumed by my love for this little person. They were right.

I have to be honest, it didn't happen immediately. My labour and delivery seem like a bad nightmare - in which only the moments of sheer terror and pain remain. I don't even really recall a sense of relief or ecstasy as my baby was born. Except for the relief that the pain was finally over, and a brief thought to how I was going to ensure that my next child was born in a hospital that offered an epidural. I felt numb.

The week or so immediately following labour and delivery passed in a blur of sleepless nights and days of exhaustion. I felt like a jersey cow, with my milkbags permanently on display. Somehow, through the haze of new motherhood, the day came when I looked into the eyes of my newborn son and realized that I was doing the single most important job of my entire life. I had already spent nine months "cooking up a good one" (as the random woman in Walmart told me last week)...now I was to spend the next 18 years nurturing the soul of this little man I held before me. A great responsibility had fallen upon me...and unbelievably, I actually felt up to the challenge.